I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
