we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
