I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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