Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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