two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need moral support for this bender
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
