Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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