I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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