Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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