why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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