my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
