Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
