1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
