so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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