Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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