4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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