Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
