Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
