remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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