My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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