If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
