I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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