She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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