Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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