Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
