I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
