I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
