It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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