The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
