I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
