ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
