you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
