When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Its about making memories worth repressing
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
