Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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