Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
