I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
