therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
