Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
