I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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