I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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