No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
