i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
