hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
