i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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