I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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