I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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