So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
