No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
