Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
