after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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