When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
