Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
