Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
