he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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