dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
