brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
