Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She bit a glass in half.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
