Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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