If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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