whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
