I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
