wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
