Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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