ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
