So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
well, you know. whores of a feather.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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