So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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