Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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