Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
