You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
