Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
