I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
