im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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