she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize