I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
