I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
