So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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