Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
