Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
