Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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