Sry I called you an 8
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
