I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
