I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
