fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
