I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
