I wish I could teleport
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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